Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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