Swine flu. Run for my life!
I faked an abortion last night.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
