yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
