Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
