yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
