She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
