So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my shit smells like andre
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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