I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
