There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
someone owes me an orgasm
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
