she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im six kinds of drunk right now
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
