Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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