Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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