Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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