there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
