My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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