Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
