she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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