i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
