u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
