i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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