I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
