you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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