At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm like, not good at living.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
