so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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