The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
