i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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