I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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