It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
