Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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