brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
