Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
