I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
