I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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