Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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