I wanna passion pit in your ass
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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