Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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