I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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