ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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