There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
