Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's the barista slut.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
