I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
