I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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