The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
