this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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