You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
