so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
