I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
