Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you never un-have a 4some
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
