Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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