There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
