if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
