Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
