I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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