I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just invented taco cereal.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
