You smell like a Billy Joel song
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
