all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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