I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
