My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
