There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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