Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You can't special order awesome
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
