i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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