Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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