we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
