when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
