so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
