he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
