Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
