If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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