you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
