Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
