I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
