I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
