I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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