Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
